I just saw a hot homeless man
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
