he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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