i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
