I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
