You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
