I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
