mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
