I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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