I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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