Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
