why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
