I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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