He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
