Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
