so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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