I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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