You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
