Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
