also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
