I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
