Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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