Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
