i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
wow bdsm is so cute
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
