hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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