there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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