I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
