Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
