Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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