I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
your thong is hanging out like whoa
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
