i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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