New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
