Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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