the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
