I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize