Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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