zippers are such a cool invention
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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