ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
