Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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