Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
