You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
