i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
