Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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