Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
