I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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