Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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