you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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