So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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