So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
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