Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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