Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
did i just pee glitter
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
