i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
