Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Two words: nipple clamps
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