You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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