Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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