Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
