Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
