Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i can't believe i had my finger in that
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
