How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize