If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize