This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
