oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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