i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
