i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize