your thong is hanging out like whoa
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
