take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
