There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
