Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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