We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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