I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
