I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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