1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we have officially lost it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
