I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize