mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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