we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
